Your last child, or only child, packed their bags and are heading off to college and now you’re becoming aware that the house is going to be very quiet when you return. I wish I looked into what it would feel like as I lived in this space. I wish I came across something like this written to teach me what I was going to experience. Here are ten things I wish I knew before dropping my last child off at college:

10.  I’ve Been Training for This All My Life.

If you look back, you’ll see how you’ve been training to become the empty nester through each time they’ve slept away. From the sleepovers with grandparents, friends, 6^th grade Camp, and long visits with friends & family during their summers, you’ve been preparing your heart all along.

Now that it’s a big moment in their life, the feeling is strong. To get through those times when they stayed away as youngsters, you probably put your mind on other enjoyments. It’s time to do that again.

By concentrating on some fun things you enjoy, simply use technology of today to make their leave easier. Do some facetiming, simply send texts, or send a Snapchat to help when you miss them. However, start marking your calendar with fun. Plan some lunch dates with friends and feel grateful that your past training has helped your heart let go.

9.  It’s Going to Hurt.

When they leave the nest, it breaks our heart. There’s no getting around it. At first, the pain will feel extreme at times and pop up right when you can’t believe it. During work, the hurt feeling will creep in and seem to take over your day. As you move through this stage, the next strategy is to remind yourself that this feeling is normal and everyone goes through it.

Many just don’t want to talk about it, but be sure to remind yourself that letting the hurt out is important. Avoid pushing it down with food and alcohol and let the hurt feelings surface. Once we feel and see the hurt, we can release it. By pushing it down, all you’re doing is storing it in your body which could do harm to you. Feel it, understand it, and then release it. These tears and fears are you letting go of what no longer serves you.

If you know others around you who have moved through this stage prior, ask them how they managed. I remember a colleague asking me how I survived this stage. It helped me because I had a chance to share my story and notice how far I’ve grown through this stage. When I asked others who went before me, I savored their opinions and practiced what they preached. This helped me realize how much we are all here to simply help each other.

8.  You Will Find Yourself Repeating Out Loud, “Where Did the Time Go?”

Let these words make their way out, however be aware of how much your focus is kept here. By letting this phrase out often, use your awareness to learn from it. As you repeat this and realize the truth in it, use it in a positive way.

Hopefully, by bringing this phrase to mind, you’ll realize just how fast life goes by. It only picks up speed. It’s up to us to start enjoying every moment. With them in college, we might see them during a few weekends if they are close, otherwise we will be seeing them for Christmas break and in May when they return home. If you thought time was going fast now, wait until these holidays start whizzing by.  It’s more important now than ever to make the most out of every moment.

7.  You Will Cry, A Lot.

If you want, cry it out. It’s your right to feel however you want. Realize that not all the tears are for sadness about missing them. It will be strange not having them at home, but be sure to understand where your tears come from. They come from you finally releasing what no longer serves you. Your tears are for joy, your accomplishments, and for all the adversity they overcame.

These tears will well up from the sheer joy your heart and soul are experiencing.  Now your heart sees how they are moving upward and onward and simply has to catch up. Seeing your child venture off for this new journey signals their growth. A child’s growth brings joy to a mom.

As you watched your child move into their dorm, you had to remind yourself it won’t be forever. Many of our children had to learn different ways of learning in order to make it to college. Let your tears be those of joy as you realize the significance of all the hardship and adversity they went through.

Remind yourself what Bill Eckstrom’s Tedx Talk, Why Comfort will Ruin Your Life, says and teaches us. As we watch our children learn and graduate to their next level, we can let our tears show for all the complexity that helped them grow.

6.  You Will Be Ok with It, Eventually.

As you get accustomed to having a clean sink with little to no dishes in it, you’ll start enjoying the picked up living room. The grocery bill will become smaller while you find yourself dining out again. Your life won’t be filled with constant taxi rides and cooking. You will soon find peace in this new found space.

It takes time, so don’t be hard on you. Be sure to take baby steps. As you move through this space and begin to feel better about the change, you will realize that you did it. You raised your children to be the responsible and independent individuals that you were working towards. 

5.  It’s Important to Put the Focus on You.

Once you begin to feel your freedom and notice the new spaces in your day, it is important to start putting yourself first. Get back on track with your personal numbers like cholesterol and blood pressure. Start scheduling those exams and tests that you’ve been putting off.

Many parents put their children before their own. Be kind to yourself without any put downs. If we don’t take care of ourselves, nobody else will. Just get back into the swing of things. So open that calendar in your phone and start filling it with manicures and pedicures, doctor exams, and lunch at deliciously healthy spots.

4. After the Long Grind, It’s My Turn to Enjoy Life.

This point is key to successfully transition into an empty nester. Celebrate all you’ve achieved. Like me, for several years you may have spent every weekend from November to May at a swim meet, water polo or volleyball tournament. Since you made it through all those payments, mileage and time driving, and down time between matches.

It’s time for all the things you enjoy. Spend some time thinking back to what you enjoy doing. We sacrificed some of our joy, so now it’s time to put those favorites back into our lives. Start remembering and begin scheduling them back into your life. Reconnect with dear friends. Before you know it, you’ll be having so much fun; you’ll start feeling like a kid.

3. The Frames Get Filled.

All the empty frames that have been shoved in a closet can finally come out of hiding and bet filled. Think about all those pictures you took, those of us in our 50’s & 60’s have the prints in a shoebox, can be viewed, enlarged, and placed in these frames. Some were given as a gift, but during all the hustle and bustle, they were misplaced and never used. I’ve finally put their high school photos in frames as well as their sports teams and individual sitting.

I’ve recently took a photo that was taken a few months ago, enlarged it, and put it up on the wall. It is a more recent picture of my kids with their fiancés. I love it because it reminds me of what a great job I did with my girls.

2. No Pants Saturdays.

Your children are gone and walking around you home, you find it more comfortable with less clothing. With them and their friends in the home, it was necessary to be wearing clothing. Now, it is your time to walk around as comfortable as possible.

This may be with boxers, no bra, or only a tank top. Enjoy this stage of wearing less. No more worry, no more confinement. Now is the time to live the way you want. Pants or no pants, it’s time to live your life in the best way possible to you. 

By living in a more comfortable place, we are able to release all those things that no longer have control over us. We can start letting go and living.

1.  I Can Be a Kid Again. 

I felt the best way to live with an emptier house is to start bringing out those things I always loved. First, I revisited the fun of riding my bike. Next, I brought out my puzzles and created a place to do them. Last, think back to the music that made you dance or brought out all your true feelings and start playing them.

Think back to the games that brought out your smile. Look into their closets and pull out the ones you loved playing. Set up date night right at home, make your favorite kid dinner, and start playing the games that you always loved.

When we are in our kid mode, we are fearless. We do exactly what we love and have no regrets. This will bring up so many good feelings that will replace our sorrow. By doing this, you release those sad feelings that no longer serve you. You are releasing the old stories and creating new ones.

Now that you’re in alignment with yourself, you will find that the sorrow leaves. We are now in a place to create, flow, and move into the next wonderful part of your life.