You made it through the college process of applications, essays, and deadlines. Now that monumental event in a mom’s life has come, the day of college move-in. I’d have to say it’s one of the best days and hardest days for a mother. We made it through all the diaper days, the terrible twos, and the teenage mood swings along with all their adversity. On the other hand, we get front row seats to their next stage of life.

All Families are Different

First of all, every situation is different and not every family is the same. There are many different living situations of college students and how their families lived. Some students heading to the big move-in come from a single parent situation. This is a unique family because since the family worked as a partnership, there is a tighter bond. Other families struggle with two parents letting go of their only child. In addition, there is a larger family where there are other children still in the home which helps with the goodbye.

Now that I think about it, it’s a feeling not like any other that a mom has to experience. No longer are you going to know every minute of their whereabouts. This is the time of completely letting go of all control. However, there are tricks of the trade I learned to figure out what they’re doing and where they might be when I think about them. Before they leave, sharpen up your technology skills so you can take a peek into their day.

A Beautiful Beginning

Even though it feels like the end, it is actually the beginning of something beautiful. Not everyone stays in college, and some may actually return home after a semester to do the community college route. Whatever their choice, enjoy looking at their decision as a remarkable time to watch how they deal with life. This is what you’ve dreamed of as you rocked them as infants, cleaned their knee scrape, and hugged them during an injury or unsuccessful test score as a scholar athlete.

Here are 5 ways to make it through move-in day with a smile on your face:

#1 Tell Your Spouse and Child How You’re Feeling Up Front

Before move-in day, let everyone know how you’re feeling inside. You’re not the only one and by doing this, you may be helping others to feel and deal with their feelings. By letting your spouse know, it won’t be a shock to them when they see you melting down over something small a few weeks before your child’s departure. Ask them to be there for you in ways that you need. Explain that you may be someone who needs a few words of kindness with validation, or you may simply need a hug hearing the words, “It’s all going to be fine. I’m here for you.”  I wrote small notes and slipped them in my daughter’s room at home before they left and in their luggage telling her how proud I was and how I was feeling. It helped them to see that I was human and that I was having the same feelings.

#2 Use Your Exercise and/or Meditation Practice

All these years of working out or walking are going to pay off. Now that you’re in the habit of being physical, be sure to include it in your daily schedule even as you think of them leaving and when you’re missing your child at college. Remember that the endorphins you create are healthy for your mind and brain. Tell yourself to exercise now and let the tears out later. If we think about it, as you were getting into the practice of meditating on a daily schedule, it was setting you up for just such a life event. You already have the practice and time scheduled to meditate. Now is the time to push through and continue to sit in your thoughts. Let the feelings surface. This helps us to let go of that which no longer serves us. We get to practice loving ourselves and remaining calm during difficult moments in life. Keeping calm during stressful times is healthy for our bodies. Putting yourself first is true love you deserve.

#3 Positive Thoughts Needed Daily

Whenever those sad thoughts pop into your mind, thank them for showing up, but remind them of all the positive thoughts you have. Recall all their adversity and struggles they endured and how those helped shape them into the young adult they are today. Charles F. Kettering, an American inventor, engineer, and businessman once stated, “You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.” We can’t keep dwelling on what our life was with our child from the past. However, we can acknowledge it and smile at the fact that we helped them become the responsible young adult they are now. These sad thoughts will come up heavily the first few weeks to a month, but as you adjust to this new stage in your life, keep up the practice of inserting a positive thought of your child whenever the sadness shows up.

#4 Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Tears and Pain

The most important thing to remember is to give yourself permission to feel the way you do. It’s not easy, but don’t forget that every college student on campus has parents that feel just like you do. It is crucial to let these feelings out with total acknowledgement because you don’t want to begin stuffing them down and hiding them behind food, alcohol, or any other substance or action that can be unhealthy if taken in large quantities. Be sure to ask a close friend or spouse (someone you can trust) to let you know if it is becoming too much. If they notice that every conversation you have is about missing your college student, it’s important to find a book, video, or therapist that can help in this area. You can find many options online. I am working on a book entitled, Empty Nester Graduates. As I write it, you can find blog posts such as this one on www.pilarkellenbarger.com as well as these new book chapters on www.wattpad.com.  (This is a free place where authors of fiction & nonfiction can show their writing before publishing. My parenting book, Parenting Scholar Athletes, is complete and there for you to view.)

#5 Use Today’s Technology

Thank goodness for my Smartphone! I’m not sure if I would have survived with my daughters attending college back east and only seeing them at Christmas and May. Here are the tricks of the trade I promised. First, ask if they could add you on their friends list of Snapchat, Facebook, and Twitter. If you have to pick one, make it Snapchat. I would take a picture of their cat and send it with a cute filter or quote. I would always receive one back, usually a quick picture of them in class, at a coffee shop with friends, in the library, or in their dorm room.

Borrow my rule with their phone: Since I was paying, they always had to respond to any text. If in class and can’t respond, they would simply type ‘in class’. It sounds too easy, but viewing a picture of their lap in a chair at their library or a picture of their coffee cup would put my heart at ease. They were alive and fine. Ask for a time when they can Facetime. Remember, you aren’t the only one feeling sad. They are feeling homesick just as much as you miss them. Most importantly, keep your texts and Snapchats to a minimum. After awhile, you will actually start receiving from them first.

Put Yourself First

One last mention is imperative. If you feel that your sadness is out of control, reach out to your physician. They have many reputable therapists that can help you through this new stage in your life. There is nothing wrong with asking your spouse or good friend to critique your behavior. They are probably the most reliable. Take extra steps if necessary to control your emotions if you feel them getting out of control. Keep in mind, you can read articles and books, and watch videos by Kyle Cease www.kylecease.com and Matt Kahn www.mattkahn.org . They are a wonderful transformational speaker and intuitive healer respectfully.

Treasure this moment, recall all the fun times, and get ready to watch your child grow into the responsible individual you hoped they would become.

Wishing you a pain-free, calm, and exciting beginning to the wonders of having a college student far away,

For Jules, with much love xoxoxox