Looking at my surroundings in December, it was clear to me that something transformative was about to happen. As I came down with influenza A and pneumonia, I had nowhere else to be but in bed, however it turned out to be the best place to receive downloads and face my fears.

When one is stopped by illness, it can be an inconvenience or a life saving moment. Because you are at the mercy of your body that only wants to rest, it is your mind that can become the master of ceremonies. In my case, it became in charge of guiding through my lifetime fears.

Sickness Can Be a Good Thing

As these feelings surfaced one by one, I knew I could push them down like I’ve always done in the past, or I could let them bubble up and be strong enough to look them in the face and not back down. Since my first thought of Anita Moorjani came to mind, author of I’m Dying to Be Me and speaker introduced to the world by Wayne Dyer. She had cancer and was dying, but when she went to the other realm, she heard from her father to return as well as realized all the fears she lived with including those with her father.

By thinking of her and her book, it made me think of my own fears. It also made me realize that it was time for me to face mine. Like Anita, I didn’t blame myself for my sickness, but I knew how many fears I lived with on a daily basis and knew it was time for them to be released. I realized I had to work on all the fears that kept coming up like the areas that seem so simple to us all in our families and things we’ve lived with all our lives. I knew it was time to learn my lessons on Love vs. Fear.

Rest Brings the Fears Out

As I rested, I was reminded of these fears that continued to whirl around me since I was a child. Because I never dealt with these fears as I grew up, they stayed and were incorporated in the building blocks of my life. Because of my upbringing, Catholic influence, and the atmosphere and lack of love within my family, I thought as a child that this was normal. As a youngster, how do we know what’s normal anyway?

As I worked on these fears, there were things I had to remember to complete. I had to start letting go of these family members who no longer served me. Why would I want to beg and keep trying to be accepted in a group of people who don’t want me in there? It’s like thinking back to third grade when we would try to get into the click or try to get certain people to like us. Why are we doing that when we have others who are friends who can easily step into their mode?

The Best Blessing

I had this happen to me and it is the best blessing. Having the gift, of friends who step into a family role, is remarkable. I had friends instead of family checking in on me by texts, messages, calls, and deliveries. Our friends become sisters (or brothers); they are my heart. We have to let these things happen. We need to let these people in our lives and let them become the family you’ve always wanted. Let them be a blessing to you.

One poignant text was from my bestie and it read: We create our reality with our thoughts so live in the moment by finding the blessings and holding onto them. She also reminded me not to let others steal my joy.

Letting the Fears Bubble Up

Many fears were coming up such as the fear of not being wanted, the fear of not being able to do things, the fear of existence and my fear of not being accepted and abandoned. I learned that I have to stop begging to belong to these groups that don’t want me. I’ve finally noticed that I’ve been chasing those not accepting and abandoning me. All along, I’ve been trying to grab on and hold on tight but now I have to realize that I’m ok without them. When feeling abandoned, I can see the reality by noticing my new family members are actually friends and they were put there to help my feeling of abandonment.

Being sick and isolated helped me open up more and realize that I needed to start setting boundaries. The Universe saying to feel it, let the feelings out, and maybe it will release. Remember, we can’t just let things go, we have to let them release us.

Replacing Family with Friends

We all may have a time in our lives when our family members don’t act like family or the way we thought. This is a time for us to take a good hard look at them, release them, and let them go. Now is a great time to put those other wonderful friends in their place because that’s why they’re here. That’s why they’re being sent to you! This is a big realization and learning point for some of us. I’ve realized that I have been stuck in this spot of, “When are these people going to love me?” Well, they might not, but look around you. You have these other hands reaching out to you. There are these other people in your life with these wonderful hearts full of love for you, so accept those and replace the others.

Steps to Move through the Pain

When you start replacing family members, there are some steps to move through the pain. As you replace, the pain of replacing family members with good friends brings up pain in one’s heart. It is a total feeling similar to a divorce. Even though it is hard, it will help you in the long run. First, think about the relationship, but don’t relive anything. Secondly, recall the wonderful memories you had in that relationship, release them in love by offering them love in prayer. When you recall the memories, it may trigger tears, but that is part of the process, feeling the emotions. Then third move on knowing the memories will keep sneaking in, but allow these tears to come up along with the memories.

Questions to Conquer

Without reliving them, ask yourself the question why, why did you fear your fears? Once the fears begin to find the place to surface, you will realize that you don’t need to fear anything. When you sit with them without reliving, it’s amazing how you can feel them leave. The most important part of this process is that you will get your power back. When you start asking yourself, “How many times do I need to be ignored by people before I move myself out of this situation?” Well then, you know that lesson has been learned.

In return to asking yourself questions, an important one may creep in next asking, “What do I do when anger comes in order to get back at being ignored?” When anger comes up with the emotion of abandonment, avoid letting anger lash back. If we think of the emotions and not the situation of people dressing up in characters for us, we can see how important it is for them to bring up the emotion of abandonment, however we do not want to stay stuck in blame. Abandonment comes from our childhood, times we lived in our 20’s, or as we entered into a marriage including in-laws as we started a family. As this feeling shows up, it’s important to understand what abandonment means, ask how do we feel during it, and reach out to ourselves and be loving. We need to extend love to ourselves for being upset for feeling abandoned.

Lessons Learned

Throughout this sick period, I’ve learned how important it is for self love in order to face your fears. Self love isn’t putting make up on, having massages or mani/pedis. It’s about doing the work which is putting you first. Working on your fears by sitting with the feelings and not pushing them down is total self love. By not attending work or your job, this is giving you the time to rest. In addition, I learned the importance of constantly putting into me all the things that are positive for healing.