As we are all in home quarantine, we find that we’re sitting with our feelings and thoughts and it might not feel right. Let me tell you a secret, it is fine. This quarantine is the best time to deal with some of the feelings we’ve been hiding from by being workaholics, going to dinner, or hanging with friends. Now that we’re going head to head with these emotions, it’s time to sit with them, let them come to the surface, and let them release you.

The Struggle is Real

Before this pandemic, some have been struggling with mother in law or sibling relationships that have not been working. Some have been going on for years and we’re looking for strategies in order to live with them harmoniously. When we are in such a state, we want the other to think and feel the way we do. We have to remember that we are separate entities that are actually in these relationships in order to learn certain lessons and shine our light. Their uncomfortable actions towards us are for us to learn how to state our truth in the most loving way, learn how to set boundaries, and give ourselves the love it deserves.

Learning Lessons

The most important task to realize is that we are the ones who need to learn lessons. It would be great if the other person did as well, but that isn’t the reason we’re struggling. We’re struggling because we have things we need to heal from in order to help us show the most love we can muster. Many times as we work on these lessons, we will go back to the thought of “why are they doing that to us? What did we do to deserve this?” The second most important practice is to understand that we haven’t done anything wrong and their actions are merely reflections of what they’re trying to heal.

Here are six lessons we need to learn in order to live peacefully in these relationships:

Control

As we live through the actions of others, we must learn that we are not in control of them. Everyone has free will which means they get to act the way they wish. Their actions may hurt our feelings and make us think twice about ourselves, but our expectations of them must be dissolved. One thing to learn is that their actions come from their own hurt they feel and emotions they never dealt with from their own life experiences. Our control may come from our expectations we have especially from someone in our family. Since we feel that someone with a family title should treat us with respect and kindness, this is not always the case. We expect others to match our own outcomes. We have to learn that the expectations of others are nonexistent.  

Speak Your Truth

Having to live in other’s’ negative actions is hard enough. Keeping complete quiet is the outcome they want, but not what we should do. We need to learn that we are allowed to stick up for ourselves as long as it’s done in a loving manner. It’s important to give ourselves permission to speak up and understand that we are allowed to defend the negative manipulations of others.

Create Boundaries

We are all here to enjoy life that God, Source, or The Universe created. However, when people show their toxicity and bad actions towards us, we do not have to take them. With respect and love, create a boundary to keep the negativity out. After speaking our truth, it may help to set up these boundaries when they don’t accept our words. Others attacking make us believe that setting boundaries isn’t very family oriented. They use our own expectations against us. Give yourself permission to create perimeters to offer a loving environment.

Shine Your Light

Some hide in the dark. This reason is none of our business and it’s for them to work out on their time. All we need to do is shine our light. This models to them how one reacts when receiving  unkind actions. It also helps draw these people out of their darkness. They may come out or stay comfortably in the dark. It’s their choice and their free will.

Send Love

As we struggle with another as we’re being the recipient of their bad words, simply send them love. While they lash out with their bad actions and lies towards you, send love to help them heal. The funny thing is how easy it seems to work. Once you send them love, even when you may not be totally happy about how they’ve treated you in the past, those negative feelings easily vanish. It simply removes the harsh and bad feelings in your heart. It quietly leaves and is replaced with love. They may receive it or not. It is not up to you, but only up to them to stop their negative actions towards you.

Self Love

The only person who will love you the best is you. Since the Divine, Source, God is already in you, that’s where you are loved most, by self. During self love, it’s a good time to work on your worth. Ask yourself if you feel enough. Some use this element to go against others and bring them to their level. Be sure to remind yourself that you are enough. In addition, look for the good in people. When you put your attention on the good qualities of someone, it can help you see their Divine. You just might see their real soul without any of the manipulations or lies.

Look for the Good

Everyone has good aspects in them. That is how we were all created. Some are willing to show theirs and some hide them from others. It might only be present for a few precious moments, but remember that people are willing to take the chance to step out of their darkness and shine their light. Learn all the lessons that this person is offering through their actions. You’ll see how much stronger you have become, how to take their unkind abuse and stay positive.

Lessons Learned

If these situations never happened, I would’ve never found my strength or learned expectations are mine, wouldn’t understanding that I am not in control of other’s actions, and that I’m allowed to give myself permission to set boundaries and take myself out of their line of fire. Love is stronger than hate. Things are not going to go our way all the time. We’re only in control of ourselves and we’re the only one who is going to love ourselves the best.