Becoming an empty nester is probably one of the hardest stages to be in as a parent. It comes with so many emotions that seem to freeze us in motion. After everything we’ve done as a parent, it’s like the merry-go-round stops and everyone gets off.

The Nest is Empty

I remember taking both of my children to college. The first one was hard because she chose a college 3,000 miles away from home. Although I had one child still at home, I knew in just two years I would be going through this again shortly. But when I took the second child to her university, of course another one across country, I felt like I was frozen. I literally sat looking around staring at the aftermath.

Having to start cleaning up and redo paint on walls wasn’t the issue. I had done that for years with my kids at home. Now I really felt that the merry-go-round had stopped and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it to go any longer. I had to learn a new way of living, yet my heart wasn’t ready.

Feel Your Feelings

One thing I learned was that it is so important to feel your feelings at this point. There are so many emotions coming out, so many memories swirling in your head, and so much empty time to deal with that a parent can start their own mini carousel. By not sitting in your feelings and trying to escape them in your mind, they always seem to creep back in especially at night.

With all this new quiet time, it is hard to figure out what to do next. After about half a year of pushing down the feelings hoping they’d go away, I knew I had to start living a different life. I began organizing my thoughts around what I could do for my kids even though they were far away and what actions can I take to start enjoying my life.

Learning How to Live

If we think back at the mom stage where these little creatures were so little where we never got a moment’s piece during the day or night, we can probable recall our words of “when they grow up, I can’t wait to”. That is the first place I started. I thought of different ways I could connect with them by social media in a non-threatening manner like using SnapChat or a quick text with a photo of a favorite place of theirs. I also began collecting little items that they might enjoy and send boxes around big and little holidays.

A New Way to Enjoy Life

Now was the time to remember how I wished I was taking a walk by myself or drive in the car alone and act on those memories. I could go walk on the beach around my schedule. When a friend wanted to meet, I had time to go. Seeing my bike sit stationary was a great time to start filling the tires and wipe off the cobwebs.

There will be times when you are on a planned outing or you’ll be heading on a hike or beach walk when your feelings of missing them come tumbling down. Acknowledging these are key to moving through this stage. Understand that these feelings are ok. We are supposed to have them. By allowing those to show up and hang out will help in the long run. Hiding them with alcohol or food or any other coping devices only begins other problems. Permit all your feelings to be present and start doing all your favorite things will help start the merry-go-round in your favor.

Putting Yourself First

You’ll realize that this stage is all about putting yourself first again. Now is the time to paint and decorate your home the way you want as well as doing all the fun things you missed doing. Because raising children comes with so many to-do lists, it is a breath of fresh air to begin a positive itinerary that matches all your wants and needs.

Missing your children never goes away no matter how hard you try to push those feelings down. This empty nest stage is a time to live with these feelings in a positive manner. By putting yourself first, this new stage begins to open up becoming more idealistic in your favor. Once you permit your feelings to come out and deal with them, this stage becomes more doable. Filling your schedule with fun activities you love helps the heart. Shopping to create fun gift boxes for your college kids helps soothe the soul.

My Book Can Help

If you’re looking for a book to help you in this new stage of Becoming an Empty Nester, I have just the book. Because so many books about the subject were so depressing using words like surviving, melancholy, and being sad, I wanted to share my ideas that helped me.

My book is a small guidebook with 50 ideas to help parents enjoy their new stage of life. It is coming summer of 2023. Here are some wonderful reviews. I hope my book helps you find your enjoyment in this new stage of Becoming an Empty Nester.

“Becoming an Empty Nester” by Pilar Kellenbarger is an exceptional guidebook that beautifully captures the emotional journey of parents transitioning into the empty nest phase.”

“With heartfelt anecdotes and 50 insightful ideas, Kellenbarger provides invaluable support and inspiration.”

“ Her practical advice empowers parents to embrace this new stage of life, rediscover their passions, and find joy in the newfound freedom.”

“ A must-read for any parent embarking on this transformative journey.”
~Belynder Walia