I believe our lessons come to us when we are ready. As we go through life, we learn new information and strategies. These help us to handle our feelings and how they relate to our upcoming lesson.

Unfolding the Dysfunction

I’m sure there are many who were brought up in a family of dysfunction like me. While I’ve been moving through this, I can see how the way I was treated had a big impact on my adult life. I also see how I act and react to circumstances happening to me as an adult.

When I notice many ideas coming into my mind to help me all at once, it usually brings a smile to my face. I know that I’m going to learn something big. This happened as I took time for me recently. I went to a friend’s to house sit. Her view is on beautiful rolling hills covered in their yellow and green coloring after all the wonderful rain. As you continue to look, you can see mountains in the distance covered in snow. Although majestic, it is a simple thirty-minute drive.

Look at Your Origin Family

I was sure to read from my new book, The Origins of Me by Vienne Pharaon. It helps me identity with my past and why I act when triggered with things that happen as an adult. She also has a strategy where you ask yourself questions where the answers bring you into the space as a child. She has us answering simple questions about those in our family. Who was there to protect you, what words were said to you, and who your parents were back in your childhood now that you’re an adult is very powerful?

Meditating to Heal the Inner Child

As I came home after experiencing a monumental shift, I made sure to continue to ask my universe for help. I believe if you don’t ask for help, you won’t receive it. I scrolled through TikTok where a woman told me she was going to show something that helped her heal her inner child. She watched it back in 1991 and I realized I was just at the beginning of trying to fit into my husband’s family. At that stage of my life, I wasn’t ready to hear that strategy to help heal my inner child. That was a great validation to see others needed to hear that but not me. Although over thirty years have passed, it is available for my heart and mind to grasp.

His name is John Bradshaw and he walked the audience at the Oprah show through a meditation where the adult we are today returns in our mind to take hold of our child self. He had us say goodbye as well as announce that we are leaving and will not carry their problems with us. We held our younger self and walked away from our family from back then. It really helps my heart see that I am an adult who no longer has to be scared of my remaining living family members.

https://youtu.be/roVJuYta0A4

Emotional Shift as the Truth Teller

Just as I experienced that huge emotional shift, I stumbled on a short video by Dr. Ramani. It helps others understand narcissistic behavior in our own lives. It is entitled, The Truth Tellers. She helps us understand those of us who ‘got it’ and seeing everything clearly as children. We might have brought up what we saw which was not good for those who had narcissistic behavior. In addition, we learned why we were silenced over time and start keeping what we see to our self. We became the black sheep of the family because we saw everyone for who they were.

As for me, I feel like I was the one in my family who saw the gaslighting, the triangulation, enabling, codependency, and the trauma bonding. Like Dr. Ramani mentions, we didn’t know these vocabulary words then however we knew what they were and what they meant. She goes onto stating that this person in this type of family is simply biding their time to leave the dysfunction. In my case, that’s what I did. I felt I met someone who loved me. However, I was actually entering into the same surroundings as my family of origin but now I was afraid of being kicked out. No one wants to go back and live in dysfunction. No one wants to be the verbal punching bag or the person the family bullied.

https://youtu.be/VOEFh5042JQ

Understanding Your Reasoning

Some of us have genuine wishes of letting our own children experience grandparents. Because we never had that opportunity, we have this heartfelt reason for trying to fit in. We want to overcome being unaccepted into a new family dynamic. Some learn to live with fear of having to return and be around these mean people. Others endure more abuse. Sometimes I think ‘thank goodness’ I learned to endure that behavior because now I can get through this new stage in life.

As you struggle through healing your inner self, please take time to read and view the following. Through reading The Origin of Me, let her steps to heal start. As you are watching John Bradshaw’s video of his meditation, use it to heal the child as an adult. By watching Dr. Ramani’s video, you can heal as she explains the role of the truth teller and how it worked in dysfunctional families. Use these to help heal your inner child and trauma and to live a more happy and healthy life.