It’s Time to Lift the Secrecy

I remember as a child, I heard people talk about the “change” in a woman. They made it sound scary and horrible. What was very noticeable was the fact that no one talked about it. As I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, I remember never hearing anything but negative words associated with that term. While having children, I would hear my Obgyn quickly put in a few symptoms here and there but no real conversation or discussion about menopause. However, now that I’m in my 50’s and on the back end of my hot flashes, I feel it necessary to talk about what I felt in order to help those in their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s. I feel it is important to let others know some symptoms that they may have, tell my steps taken to help alleviate some of the uncomfortable feelings associated with menopause, and ways of helping family or friends go through some of its awful side effects.

Start the Change By Talking About It

As I watched a morning program, I saw a panel of different women of all different ethnicities sitting with a few doctors discussing menopause. The younger women’s faces reminded me of my wonderment when it came to hearing some of the scary parts of menopause. Women, who were at the premenopausal stage, had the look of a military solider that has experienced war. There was a senior woman, who had already gone through menopause, telling her story of how quiet other women around her were while growing up. It seemed to break the glass of the secrecy of menopause by putting other women’s faces along with their stories center stage. I loved how they weren’t shy or embarrassed to tell all their symptoms they experienced.

Noticing the Changes

The signs and symptoms that your body feels can be a few or many based on your family makeup. I’ve heard to look to your mother and there lies your path through menopause. Although I’m neither a medical doctor nor a professional in the medical field, I’m simply telling my story to help others find theirs. I experienced early hot flashes in my late 30’s. The male doctor that I mentioned this to said it wasn’t related to that because I was too young to be in menopause. This statement made me ask myself, “Than what’s all this sweating and occasional bout with a hot flash all about?” I simply turned to my mother asking her when she thought she entered menopause. She told me that small versions of hot flashes started for her in her late 30’s. Ah ha! My menopause symptoms come from my mom! If I think back, I do remember my mom taking more showers and being more irritable than normal. Now that I know about feeling forgetful during this time, that along with moods changing is part of the fun!

The First Sweat at Christmas

The hot flashes that I’ve experienced started as I stood on line in a Dollar Store during the holiday rush. Because I live in Southern California, it usually doesn’t get very cold in December. Since I was a native New Yorker, it always felt on the warm side in CA. However, as I stood on the long line practicing my patience, I felt like an enormous heat lamp turned on inside my body and head. I didn’t have a headache, but I felt like I was on fire from the inside. I could feel the perspiration drops travel from the back of my neck down my back. I could feel how my bra would capture the moisture, however as I touched my lower back, I could feel how sweat had beaded up. I tried to keep my shirt from touching it so that there would be no detection of my perspiration, but it eventually began working as a sponge. By the time I was at the cashier, it had stopped but I was feeling and looking like a drowned rat. I quickly left and sat in my car asking myself if that was a true hot flash. I remember hanging out with group of women in their late 60’s and 70’s when I was in my 30’s. I met them after meeting a friend’s mother in CA. Because they enjoyed fishing on shore, I joined them and began hearing about what I was in for.

What You May Experience in Change

Thinking back, I’m extremely thankful for hearing what was in store for me during menopause. As I went into my mid 40’s, the hot flashes started picking up steam and happen at night. I was relieved that I wasn’t experiencing any during the day at that time. I was also feeling in need of St John’s wort which is a supplement for depression and feeling foggy. However, more symptoms made themselves known such as feeling anxious or frustrated, having problems with sleeping, and gaining weight which was the beginning of the tire around my waist not to mention the fun of incontinence. As my perimenopausal symptoms increased in numbers and times per day, I knew I was in menopause. Although I stopped having my period which was a perk, the hot flashes happened so often and at such a high rate of intensity that I started to look for a supplement that could help. I started taking Cohosh. It is an over-the-counter supplement to help with hot flashes. It worked for about 5 months. It didn’t eliminate the hot flashes, but helped decrease them greatly. After a while, my hot flashes were taking over my life. I spoke to my doctor and started taking Duavee. Because this product has conjugated estrogen which is a mixture of estrogens used to treat menopause symptoms such as hot flashes and to prevent bone loss, it is recommended that you receive information from your doctor. Because adding estrogen to some women’s bodies at this time, it can increase the chance of breast cancer. Please speak to you doctor before taking this prescription.

Change for the Better

I have to say, this medication worked wonders for me. It gave me back my life. I went from having a tissue in every pocket along with a wash cloth, to one small tissue in my purse. Although it worked wonders, it’s important to speak to an expert in this area. When I first started the medication, it was a must to take or I would be a sweaty mess. After a few years on the medicine, I actually started forgetting to take it. Now, I only take it a few times a week. It can be expensive if you have a low budget medical plan like me; however, there are coupons to use through the company’s website.  Because I wasn’t feeling so anxious about sweating, my mind seemed to rest. Since our bodies feel fatigue and sore in joints at time, I also started putting an ounce of aloe vera liquid in my juice or straight. It helped my inflammation and allowed me to ingest less ibuprofen.

If You Pick One Thing, Pick Kindness

One thing I’ve disliked about living in this stage of life is hearing people make fun of me. I would be spotted sweating and would be called ‘sparkly’ or they would say, “There she goes again, she needs to go outside.” If people who never had to live with hot flashes and the constant state of brain fog would give us more compassion, it might help those of us living in this hell. It would also help us lower our anxiety. By bringing it up and making fun, all we feel is more embarrassment and anxiety because we have no control over these symptoms. We have to manage them 24/7 for a while, so by not pointing out how sweaty we are, but simply handing us a paper towel and opening a window that would be the best gift to give us.

Changing into Your Best Self

Menopause is a change in our body, so it is important to learn all you can about these different changes. Along with night sweating and memory problems, there may be incontinence (leaky bladder), dry vagina and a decrease in sex drive. Our whole body changes, it isn’t just mood swings. The best thing to do is ask questions with your mom, doctor, and older friends that may have been through it as well as friends your own age starting to struggle with the symptoms. Giving each other support and letting those around know what is needed will help you understand and maneuver through this important stage of your life. Share how you feel with others. Open up about menopause and help the world understand it as well.