I am writing these blogs in this series to help parents, especially the ones who were brought up by boomers and were born the last year of boomers. We want to raise our children better and different. I feel like we align more with the Gen x age group.

Raising Student-Athletes

Since I raised student-athletes as someone from this mindset of boomers, I made sure to do things differently. I made sure to listen to my child’s needs and their feelings. This part comes from my book, PARENTING SCHOLAR ATHLETES, CHAPTER 9, Be Friendly, Not Their Friend. My main intention of writing this book was to help other moms raising student-athletes. Also, I wanted to help moms raise independent and responsible individuals by sharing the spirit strategies and real-life stories of adversity that my girls endured.

Moms Want to Feel Connected to Their Kids

I do know that you want to have that connection as a friend with your kids. We especially want that when they get older such as middle school and high school. However, we still need to be the mother giving them rewards and consequences.

As a mom, we want them to be happy in everything that they do. But sometimes we are the ones getting too involved in either their sport or debate club or whatever activity they enjoy. They may begin to feel frustrated because they aren’t getting play time or the opportunity to do the debate they want. In addition, they may not be heard on their team. Within all their frustration, it is bringing something up for us.

Try to Relax Being in Control

Because as we grew up as kids, we might not have been seen or heard. Maybe we also didn’t feel safe enough to talk and speak up. There are some parents who try to start taking it upon themselves, with love, to talk to a coach or a higher person to help their child not feel so frustrated. In hind sight, that is really not something we should do.

Remember, if you are going to the coach instead of your daughter, then you are taking that opportunity or practice time for them to discuss and talk to a coach. They’re going to need to do this when they get older; at high school, if they go to college, and their job.  We need to remember to let them practice doing it themselves.

Help Keep a Positive Atmosphere for Them

Also, you don’t want to create a weird aura within her team where then the other players are looking at her differently. We don’t want to start drama.

What a perfect opportunity for our kids to speak up and practice this with other adults and not just their parents. Here are some steps to take when this comes up:

Steps to Help Them Speak Up

First, be a listener. Listen to their frustrations and really take it in. Secondly, review with them the manners in which they are allowed to speak to their coach. The organization may have their own steps of how to speak to their coach or assistant coach before going to the head manager. Next, this is a good time to give clear and truthful criticism to your child. But then offer to set up a time that they can talk to their coach. This may help someone who might be feeling a little shy to help them get there. Lastly, go over with them what they want to say to their coach. You can be that pretend coach for them. This has them speaking up for themselves and also has you helping and supporting.

Working on YOU

If you then feel like these feelings of frustration to take control of the situation as the mom is coming from somewhere in you, don’t forget to stop and look at that. Here are some steps you can take to help:

First some questions you can ask yourself are (1) why am I feeling like this? And (2) where from my past is this coming up? Maybe in your past, you wanted someone to stick up for you but they weren’t there. What you can do now (3) is feel how you’re feeling, (4) give yourself forgiveness for what happened and others. It was something that happened in the past. You can forgive them for that and then begin to work on yourself. Remind yourself and promise yourself that you will speak up when needed. (6) This might be a really great time to find yourself a good therapist. Through our work or insurance, you can do this a few times a week during lunchtime.

Finding Help Through Others

Therapists are wonderful people who can help us see where we can change. They can give us tool and strategies to work on these feelings when they pop up for us. Also, they can help us learn to forgive and let go. Surround yourself with positive memes and quotes. It’s important to create a positive environment for you.

The biggest thing you can do here is to be the best model for your child. By you seeking out a therapist or reading self help books, you are modeling to your child things that they will be able to do when they get older and they’re on their own.

Until next time, be YOU and continue to show your love and expand YOUR heart.