Consistency is one of my four keys from my upcoming book, Collecting Our Angels; Nurturing Our Children. It is vital when connecting a student’s actions and learning at school and at home. With back-to-school right around the corner, take some time to create a loving and consistent environment that matches both school and home.

This summer I was called into work for the Extended School Year classes. These students aren’t learning new lessons but reviewing what they learned already. It is also to help them stay on a schedule for the upcoming school year. I worked in a class with fourth graders and then worked a complete session with K-1 students. In both classes, there were students who had disabilities with social and academic skills.

If your child struggles with academics, first remember that they will understand it SOMEDAY. Today just might not be that day and that’s ok. Alongside that idea, please tell your child that they will not understand everything and they will not get an A on everything and that is fine. Trying their best at each try is the goal. Some days may be harder than others. They may feel happy, sad, tired, or indifferent, but let them know that they only need to try their best during each moment.

 Their best on one day may be different on another day. Practice this in your own life at home. When you are experiencing a day where you aren’t at your best, let your child know. Let them see that you are still trying your best. Explain to them that your best one day may be different than another day. This gives your child an example to learn from and follow so they can do it on their own.

 If your child acts out while doing school work and becomes frustrated, begin to help them by asking them why they don’t like that certain subject. It may stem from a form of dyslexia or a negative story in their head. Sometimes I find out from my students that they just had a bad experience during that subject lesson. Someone may have laughed as he gave an answer out loud and took that giggle as directed to him. When in actuality, they were giggling for a different reason. They began a negative story in their head about that laugh that says they are wrong, dumb, and stupid. As a parent, it is your job to ask questions to find the problem, and teach your child to retell positive stories. Having them practice this helps them get out of their frustration and see the light.

The frustration may come from plainly not understanding. I remember trying to understand geometry in high school. I would sit and listen over and over to let it soak in. Don’t get me wrong; I went through the crying, I can’t do this, I’m stupid stages. However, when I realized that if I open myself up and tell myself I will learn geometry, but maybe not that exact day, I stayed in a place where after a few weeks, it made sense. It took me three weeks to understand each formula, but after two weeks the teacher was already on the next formula. As I saw the pattern I became ok with my learning. I saw that it took me a little bit longer than others to figure out that method she was teaching. I received a D on every report card that was given three times a year, however when it came to the Regents State test, I earned an A.

Parents need to see that their child learns at his or her own pace. By pushing too hard to make your child understand something is silly. As you see, I learned by taking my time with an opened mind. I didn’t beat myself up daily, I didn’t call myself names, and I stayed away from negative stories. I repeated to myself that I will understand the math and I did.

At this moment in my education, I realized that I could learn and complete anything if I gave myself a chance. It took me until this moment in high school to learn how important self-realization in learning was. I didn’t have parents who asked me questions about myself. If I didn’t understand something, I was called stupid. Staying on top of your child’s self talk and self worth is critical to keep them positive.

There were many times that I would not tell my parents about a project and report because I didn’t understand what was being asked. I did have a few teachers who saw my potential and aided me, but not all teachers. Back then, it was all about knowing something right after you were taught. If you didn’t retain the information immediately, you were judged and looked down upon. I was lucky enough to have a childhood friend that I met in 4^th grade who helped me in various grades. We didn’t have the same teachers through elementary levels so our projects and work were different. Nonetheless, she helped me whenever I asked.

Think about board games or any school yard game you were taught. You learned it pretty quickly because you were opened, ready, and genuine. Different subjects at your child’s school work the same way. When a child is in this positive realm, she can learn since her mind is willing and she is motivated by excitement and energy. This is the secret for parents. Motivate your children with things they enjoy and put smiles on their faces.

Again, together with motivation and compassion by asking questions about how they feel about a subject, your child’s frustration levels will drop. Instead of all-out meltdowns, you may see some irritation in them. Yet, you will find them asking you for help because you were asking them about their feelings during their learning.

If your child has some social or emotional disabilities, use the techniques and ideas that the teacher and IEP call for at home. The secret here is once you connect school rewards and consequences with the things at home that motivate the child, a balance begins to take place. Your child will see that there is a connection with their behavior at home and at school. They begin to notice that both the teacher and parent are working together.

When a child has emotional problems and/ or lacks social skills, learning the correct words to say to them while helping them through their problem is essential. The key is remaining calm during their upset, letting them know that you are there for them, giving encouragement, and soothing them in ways that helps them respond. Some children need body squeezes, pats on the back, light rub on their upper arms, or just simply a smile. The instructional aide teachers as well as the classroom teacher will know what comforts them.

When we are helping a student tracing numbers for better cognitive learning, we may use tracing on a whiteboard by moving their hand through the motions and modeling for them. They may get upset and acting out by yelling, shaking their head, and looking upset. At this moment, teachers remember to stay calm, breathe, and smile. With our love for teaching, we take it slow and walk the student through their upset.

 With all the love you have for them, breathe and remind yourself that their upset at home will subside. Offer your love through your calm voice and a gentle touch. Giving reminders is important. Tell them that when they are calm, they need to practice the skill they were working on and finish. By sitting still and calm, this offers them the time to think and get back to their learning. This time may take a few minutes. Stay in peace.

As they return to the learning, be sure to motivate them by telling them their actions were great. Tell them that the way they took time to return to their work was awesome. Say these reinforcing words with a smile. During these moments, they are learning to return to a calm state on their own. They realize their parents care because they are taking the time to understand them. It helps the child to connect to the parent in a special way. Also, by actions being consistent in both school and the home, the child learns that the same rules apply. It will even help them to keep their actions consistent out in the community like the grocery store, library, and restaurant.

This is just a glimpse to connect with your child who have academic with social and emotional needs. Make an appointment with your child’s classroom teacher and resource teacher to learn the techniques used in the classroom so it can continue at home.  Also, if you suspect or have heard the educator say it may be a form of dyslexia, be sure to go online and look up dyslexia.org. Learn how famous people all around the world live with it. Watch videos and educate yourself on the subject.

Most of all, master an opened mind about your child’s learning. Review the different procedures and routines that are used at your child’s school. Ask questions so you can follow the same methods at home. By setting up a similar environment at home by using the same rewards, consequences, and wording, you are setting your child up for success.