Their Sport is Played on the Court and in Their Mind

Your child’s sport isn’t only played on the court, but also in their mind. Let’s start by stating the fact that not every student athlete is going to make it to first string in college let alone the professional level. But realize that your child may be playing the sport on the court and in her mind.

Controlling Your Athlete

Today’s sports are becoming so popular as well as way too controlling with regards to parental outbursts. There seems to be never-ending pushing towards their child to achieve greatly, and criticism that not even an adult could endure. Maybe some parents are in such a high driven career that they use the same techniques and strategies with the young children forgetting their actual maturity?

Help Them with the Pressure

After raising two scholar athletes, I can tell you that the student athlete puts so much pressure on themselves that it isn’t necessary to pile on more. These go-getter athletes and scholars want it all and more. Young athletes who want to perform well will start a mind game where they begin putting themselves down. Because they become so frustrated with themselves, they forget using positivity and only live in the negative. This is where a supportive parent needs to step in.

Of course, we can’t make our children think a specific way. It is out of our hands and lies in theirs. However, what we can do is bring positivity into their thoughts. As a mom who is now in the empty nest stage, I have learned this sequence full circle from my daughter who is now a volleyball coach herself. She has shared with me how she is working with a young athlete who is feeling frustrated with her skills and how important the positive support of her parents is the key. This full circle moment has been such an inspiration for me to keep using my intention of sharing my knowledge to help moms.

Are Your Actions as a Parent to Blame?

First, take a step back and look at yourself as a parent. Are you pushing your child too hard? Do you think your actions are related to why your child is becoming so frustrated and annoyed? Is your child beginning to break under your pressure? By being honest, it makes the clean up on aisle 5 easier. When we look at reality and look at our own actions, we can begin to repair our child’s mind and help guide them into a more positive environment.

In my book, Parenting Scholar Athletes, in chapter 6, Shift Your Intention to Guide and Transform, it explains how parents can help turn their young child into a positive athlete full of sportsmanship to help lead others on the team. A great quote from Mark Nepo is, “Whatever opens us is never as important as what opens.” I believe that this is a good starting point for parents of young athletes. As parents, we only want whatever makes them happy. However, we can also get stuck in the place where we find ourselves pushing them too hard. This chapter gives parents knowledge along with strategies on how to move to a more positive supportive parent.

Help Them Find Their Happiness

In order for our child to find the positive path, they need to find their happiness. When athletes are happy, they perform better. Shawn Achor says, “Happiness is not the belief that we have to change, it’s the realization that we can.” Our young athletes need to live in this fact. They also need to be told that it takes time and that’s okay. In his book, he states, “Only 10 % of your long-term happiness is predicted by your external world and circumstances. The other 90% comes from how you train your brain to process the world.” It is up to parents to help guide their athlete to learn how to create a positive mind through positive thoughts.

Our job as parents of an athlete is to consistently remind them to always think positive. That sounds so easy and very matter of fact; however, it is the main key to helping them face any fear. One idea is to have your daughter find an affirmation or write one herself to be a go to when she is feeling negative. Now she has something to read and help keep her positive. Another idea is to find stories or quotes from accomplished athletes who speak to this point. Sometimes all another athlete needs is hearing that someone else they know felt the same way as they progressed through their sport.

Calm through the Meltdown

A great idea is to practice staying calm with your young athlete while they are having a meltdown. The meltdown is inevitable, but when you can sit calmly with them as they work through their fears, it only becomes a lesson for them to use in the future. By walking with them to see that they are only frustrated and all they have to do is feel the feelings, they can take a breath and get back on track. This chapter has two stories of how each of my athletes had to overcome a negative mindset as a young athlete.

All we want as parents is to have our children learn that difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations. Once they find their grit and strengthen it, they begin to see all their possibilities. Remember, as their parent, we are setting them up for greatness. They will stumble but what we need to do is show them how to dust themselves off and get back in the game.

Hold On

FDR said, “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on.” By showing our children how to practice being calm during a crisis and breathing, they will learn that during a calm moment they can think of a decision and start to climb back up the rope.

As a mom who raised student athletes, I am enjoying the view of them adulting by using everything I taught them.  When they practice dealing with their feelings of fears coming up, they are setting themselves up for their own greatness. Watching them become responsible and independent people has been so fun. Hanging with them as they begin their own adulting is even more fun.