As a mom, the most important part is maintaining a good relationship. We see others getting along great and want that for ourselves. When it comes to confrontation, we don’t want to rock the boat. However, there will be those intimate and sensitive discussions that have to come up for us to move forward. Staying in a calm and understanding space is the beginning towards helping our children grow.

A Problem Emerges

When the discussion came up about a child doing something potentially harmful to their body, many questions come up. As I heard the anguish in the mom’s voice, I wanted to help her down that delicate path with her child. Her high school son was vaping and she was parallelized as to how to handle it. She saw information pointing to other drugs as well. She did the best thing which was having a plan and unveiling it, but then reaching out for advice with someone she could trust. This person is important because you want to push yourself to see if you’re being tough enough. We see our children in our mind as the five year old going off to kindergarten. Nonetheless, they stand before us grown and a mind of their own.

Offering the Parental Helping Hand

As parents, it is inevitable that our children will find themselves in a place where they need help. It is up to us to remember first and foremost that we are the experienced adult who needs to act like a parent and not a friend. When a child acts out, it is up to us to figure out why. We have to put down all egos and look at the situation fairly. It’s important to understand that we’re going to have to make hard decisions and walk down an uncomfortable path that we are not accustomed. If we go into this situation with the intention of helping and learning along with knowing that we’ll have to use our parental voice, we’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s never easy to see our children in harm’s way, but if we understand that everyone needs to go through their darkness to grow, we’ll venture down the path with more grace. Having grace will be very important along with the fact that it will take time for an outcome. But as long as you react with love, kindness, and strength, you will see them come out the other side grown.

Standing Firm and Strong

Although we can become scared as we see our child venturing down the wrong fork in the road, we must see that it is up to them to move through these dark times in order to grow. We’ve all placed the lima bean in a baggie with a moist towel and placed it in the sun. It is crucial to grasp that other seeds need to be placed far down into the dark earth in order to grow. Being firm and strong during this process will steer its way toward the light. Recognizing what the triggers were for their actions is key. Honesty needs to show up on our behalf. It could very well be our behavior with our spouse that prompted their reactions. The most significant feature to display will be consistency. As a mom, we only want our child to feel happy. Sometimes we think that simply giving them what they want is the answer so we cave. This is definitely a time to consistently show your parental skill by not giving in. Reminding yourself regularly that you are doing the right thing is imperative.

Active Questioning

Using questions is the next step. Asking why they are doing these actions will point you in the right direction. Let them know that it’s a safe place to speak up. Be ready to hear that an action of yours may have prompted their behavior. Staying calm and speaking to them like an adult will help them feel developed. Providing your truthful experiences when you were their age will help them understand what the outcome could become. For example, when discussing how certain drugs make you feel and act, it is important to help them realize that their reactions in public from the drug can result in an arrest. This in turn can make seeking a job or acceptance into a college hard with a negative conclusion.

Ideas for the Future

Letting them express their feelings is crucial, but helping them realize that their actions can ruin their future is what’s needed. Being consistent is vital as you set the boundaries for their future path. Taking technology away will have to be negotiated along with additional parental discussions. When our children were learning to walk or use a utensil, we didn’t show them once and walk away having them try to accomplish the task on their own. We had to remain on the sideline cheering them on and helping them through the tough parts. Offering ideas that help them move out of the unsafe portion of their journey will be your job. Stating due dates for seeking volunteer work will keep them moving forward. Explaining how shadowing someone in a career that they’re interested in is essential. Since they are deciding if college or a trade is the direction they want to take, offer ideas that will wake up their enthusiasm and move away from negative choices.

Water & Watch Them Grow

Walking down this path with your child will be difficult but it is important to stay firm, consistent, and dependable. Think of it as an extension of teaching similar to helping them sleep and eat, you’re just working with them as young adults now. Be sure to have open discussions with constant follow up. Avoid having them constantly staying in their room. Create a schedule that offers more family bonding. Practice dropping your ego and being honest with the fact that your actions might be the culprit. Look at them as the seed buried deep in the ground needing the essentials to grow. Remember flowers don’t grow overnight. Walk steady knowing that by using your parental love and guidance, they will learn how to maneuver through their journey along with the help of their parent.

In my book, Collecting Our Angels & Nurturing Our Children, Four Keys to Raising Scholar Athletes, one key is consistency. Although the focus is on rearing scholar athletes, all chapters apply to all children. Four chapters found on Wattpad.com http://www.wattpad.com  can be very helpful here. (Chapters 6, 9, 11 & 12.) These chapters help a parent practice guiding and transforming their child along with being friendly but not their friend. Two chapters speak on the lack and potential of today’s technology.