Have you ever found yourself asking this question and sometimes it’s while tears stream down your face? I had such a wonderful ah-ha moment that I needed to share. So simply breathe in slowly and them exhale about three times and then continue. Choose to be open, let your empathy out for yourself, and smile.

The Struggles are a Good Sign

It seems I struggle more with the same people in my life. After this experience, I can see that it is meant to happen. I have done a lot of research on narcissists as well as how to turn an argument into understanding along with rules to follow in order to turn an argument into a conflict with a solution.

Sometimes when you feel you’re the only one trying in any relationship, it starts to feel lonely and you may feel stuck in a funk. No matter how much you try, the discussions turn into screaming matches even as you desperately try to practice all the proper conflict moves. At this point, do yourself a favor and let it go.

Going Through the Same Motions

I was constantly being the one who would give in, apologize, and be left in tears. Finally seeing the control for what it was, I started giving myself the words that I needed to hear. We have to remember that others are going through something just like we are. They may be in a different yet similar place in their journey. As soon as I looked hard at that point of view, some of the clouds of feeling stuck started to move away.

A Friend in Need, A Friend Indeed

Having a wonderful friend who picks you up and dusts you off is also very helpful. By having the opportunity to vent my frustration and stick to the feelings I felt and not what the narrative was, I was able to find that path back to a positive place. This time I really learned a new way and wanted to share. We are all going through something, and when we can help others, it is a message from the universe to share.

Make it All Positive

Stick to nothing but positive thoughts. It sounds easier said than done because when our emotions are swirling in our head, we have a hard time focusing on good instead of the pain we just experienced. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to vent and it is a way to find your way back to the good spot. However, follow a few steps I just learned: When the bad experience comes back to mind, thank it and begin thinking of something positive around you. Continue to focus on positivity around you such as the blue ski if outside, a healthy lunch if at work, and a ride home on the bus or your own car. Turning to the simple things we have in our environment helps calm the soul.

Since we want our emotions to be validated, we take time to let them out. Look at what is connected to each feeling. For example, “I feel stuck because of the words that were spoken to me last night.” “I feel sad because the person I love spoke so angry to me.” Now it’s time for the maturity of our journey to step in: Why did this person act in this manner?

Others Have Baggage Too

We have to remember that we aren’t the only ones carrying our baggage from past trauma that was never dealt with. When we acknowledge that the other person involved in our argument/conflict is going through something too, it really helps connect your heart, mind and soul. Our empathy can come into play helping us find our way out of pain and into happiness.

As I took my normal walk on a new path near the coast, my mind started going to all the negative things said in the argument. Right away I took the advice of my bestie and started replacing the sad with the glad. I started looking around me and began showing gratitude for everything I saw from the sound of the waves, the flowers, and the sun. I don’t know why, but instantly I began feeling so much positivity rush in to my mind. A few times the sad thoughts tried to enter, but I simply replaced them with the beauty in front of me.

Self-worth Comes Through

Something I’ll never forget is how my heart finally spoke out. While walking, I had a little conversation with passersby who were riding skateboards and taking video of each other. As I continued on after the laugh we shared, I heard my words: “That’s me. This is who I am. This is me!” I think back to the smile that was on my face too. My self-worth was finally speaking out. I realized that when I banter, laugh and smile, I’m in my true self. I’m a person who likes to speak kindness and laugh so that’s who I’m going to let out more often.

Once you start replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones, get ready for goodness to start rushing in. For the past six months, I’ve been learning new social media and attending local street faires to sell my new parenting book, Parenting Scholar Athletes. Right after I practiced this simple step, I found out my book that I donated to the local library system was already checked out by someone before I even saw it on the bookshelf! Also, the one I donated to the Friends of the Library Store sold too!

Change Brings Positive Outcomes

More abundance came my way with new blinds to replace my 20 year old ones, signs from those that passed were coming all around, and once I stated that I come first, I found someone selling some beautiful stone necklaces and bought one for me and not someone else.

I realized that I was continuing to put my children first even when they were living elsewhere and adults. It’s definitely time for me to come first. Yes, I chose to stay home with my kids and to schedule my jobs around them but that isn’t the case anymore.

Everything happening to You is For You

Remind yourself that these things are going to occur but they are the stepping stones on our path to move us up the trail. As I was getting books ready to ship out, a notecard dropped from the box. It had this wonderful statement on it: Everything that’s happening to you is happening for you ~ Matt Kahn. We all go through stages of being stuck. Learning how to get through a conflict is a lesson for all. Once we clear the negativity and replace it with positivity, the universe will step in with all the signs, wisdom and abundance you have coming your way.